NHS · Scar Treatment · Self-harm

I have a surgery date!

Ok, February 2016 I wrote a post (here) about a consultation I had with a plastic surgeon to see if there was anything that could be done to help my scars.

Well the other week I got a letter in the post from the Big Hospital in the Big City with an admission date and time.

What?

I was told at the time I’d be placed on a waiting list for a treatment called fat grafting, and that it would likely be six months before I heard anything. I remember trying to ask the consultant a few questions and was told we’d have a chance to go over everything and discuss how the treatment would work and potential side effects and sign forms etc etc, before anything happened.

So it took longer than six months (more than double it, actually!), but when I got the letter through the post I thought it would be a follow up appointment to like, discuss things, so I was more than a little confused when it read: DATE OF ADMISSION. That, and the fact they’d used an old address (like, 12 years old) rather than my current one, made me wonder if I’d somehow missed a pre-op appointment/letter.

The letter said I needed to ring to confirm my admission, so when I did that I asked if this would be a pre-op appointment or…? “It’s admission Thursday for theatre Friday”, I’m told. Which is scarier still, because I’ll be in overnight??? (Another thing the letter didn’t mention!)

So I’m all mixed up…very excited, very confused, very apprehensive. I’m guessing now that all the pre-op stuff is on the Thursday, but I’m still confused as it’s not a way I’ve ever heard of surgery being handled before! But we shall see…kind of half expecting to rock up and be told that they made a mistake, they’ve discovered all my pre-op notes are missing.

Uncertainty and nerves are compounded by the fact I don’t know much/anything about this treatment?? There’s not much on ‘fat grafting’ online, and I was told it was a relatively new treatment, and that it might not work at all. So I’m not finding much on Google in the way of comfort and reassurance- or success stories.

As the date approaches, I’m also feeling increasingly undeserving. From the bits of research I’ve done, it costs quite a lot. Plus the bed, plus things like medication and dressings and staff time. I feel like I’ve wasted enough NHS money of the years as a result of my mental health, and it feels like a double insult asking them to fix the scars that I’d not only given myself in the first place, but had also asked them to stitch at the time. I self harmed, I asked the NHS to treat them for free, and now I’m asking the NHS to get rid of the scars for free. I just feel like I’m taking the piss. I just feel like there are a lot of other people who are a lot more deserving of a lot of treatments that are a lot more essential than this, who aren’t getting the funding.

 So I feel guilty.

Guilty and grateful and ashamed and embarrassed that once again, the NHS are picking up my mess.

But grateful. Very, very grateful.

So yep! Just wanted to keep people in the loop because my original post has been hugely popular and I’ve had a couple of people asking me if I’d had anything more happen, and I did say at the time I’d blog the process. So I guess this is the next step!

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